A Filipino, a German and a Pakistani got arrested consuming alcohol which is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia , so for the terrible crime they are all sentenced 20 lashes each of the whip.
As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheik announced: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."
The German was first in line, he thought for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back."
This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes & the German had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.
The Pakistani was next up. After watching the German in horror he said smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back."
But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes & the Pakistani was also led away whimpering loudly.
The Filipino was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from one of most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"
"Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness," the Filipino replied.
"In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."
"Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave." The Sheik said with an admiring look on his face.
"If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it.
"And what is your second wish, ?" the Sheik asked.
Filipino smiled and said, "Tie the Pakistani to my back" !!!
****************** The End ******************
"TEACHER: Class draw a fish..!
CLASS: Yes ma'am!
TEACHER: Pedro, why is ur drawing very dirty..?
PEDRO: Ma'am, bagoong po yan."
"PASYENTE: Dok. . . Ninenerbyos po ako! First operation ko po ito. . .
DOK: Alam ko ang nararamdaman mo. . ..Kasi FIRST time ko ren mag-opera ngayon?
Engot-1: kamusta yung exam mo.
Engot-2: wala ako nasagutan, blanko yung papel ko. Ikaw?
Engot-1: Naku, blangko din yung papel ko, baka sabihin ni titser,
nagkopyahan tayo
"WIFE: maghiwalay na tayo!
HUSBAND: ok,akin ang bahay!
WIFE: akin ang farm!
HUSBAND: akin ang kotse!
WIFE: ah pero akin driver
HUSBAND: pwes, magkakamatayan na tyo, MATAGAL NA SIYANG AKIN, mang-aagaw!"
(nag-sabunutan ang mag-asawa)
"Mrs: hoy!Tama na yang beer mo masyado ka magastos
Mr: Ikaw make-up mo ang magastos
Mrs: Nagpapaganda ako para syo
Mr: Ako umiinom naman para Gumanda ka!"
"May bagong kasal:
MRS: Honey malapit na tayong maging 3 dito sa bahay
MR: Talaga honey? Pinasaya mo ako sa balita mo, ILANG BUWAN NA TIYAN MO.
MRS: Ay hinde, dito na titira ang NANAY ko!"
REPORTER: Sir, kung wala po kayong evidence, witness or suspect ano na po
ang next step ninyo??
Police: DNA na...
REPORTER: sir, ano po yung DNA ???
Police: "Di Namin Alam "
A black baby is given a pair of wings by a fairy..
BABY: Does this mean I am an angel???
FAIRY: (laughs) of course not! tong negrang to! ambisyosa! PANIKI ka!!
In a party, a handsome guy approached a girl and asked;
are you going to dance??
The girl felt so happy that someone finally asked her and she said;
"yes" and the guys said "that's good, can I have your chair??"
"Naglalakad ang mag-ama, nakakita ng eroplano
ANAK: Tay ! Krus! Ang laking krus!
TATAY(Binatukan ang anak): Nakita mo ng krus eh! Lumuhod tayo!"
Employee: boss pwede ba ako nalang ang papalit dun pwesto sa manager natin
na kamamatay lang?
Boss: ok lang sa akin na ikaw ang pumalit sa kanya, ewan ko lang kung
papayag ang punerarya
bobo1: Pare, alam mo ba tawag sa paniki na mababa ang lipad?
bobo2: hindi eh! ano ba pare?
bobo1: Lowbat pare! Lowbat!
Boy: Nay! Muntik na ako maging top one sa klase!
Nanay: Bat mo naman nasabi?
Boy: Ini-announce kasi kanina yung top one sa klase. Ang tinuro ni
ma'am yung katabi ko. Muntik na ako!
Bush visited the Philippines and Erap acted as his translator:
Bush: "Lets help one another..."
Erap: "Tayo'y magtulungan. ..."
Bush: "...let's strive together..."
Erap: "...tayo'y magsikap..."
Bush: "...because in union there is strength."
Erap: "...dahil sa sibuyas may titigas!"
Bongbong -- Pare sinong idol mo?
Chavit--Si Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Bongbong-- Sige nga, spell Schwarzenegger.
Chavit --Hindi, joke lang pare, si Jet Li talaga idol ko.
Erap writing on a slum book:
Favorite Actor:
Arnold Scharzene... ... (erase)
Arnold Schwarze... ... (erase)
Arnold Schwarzz... ... (erase)
Arnold Shwazenne... . ...(erase)
Arnold Shwazenner.. . ...(erase)
Arnold Shwarzenneg. . ...(erase)
Arnold Schchwarzenne. .. (erase)
Arnold Clavio …(correct)
Pare 1: Pre, nasusuka ako kaya lang di ako masuka
Pare 2: Madali lang yan, pre ~ sundutin mo tonsils mo
(pare 1 sinundot ang tonsils ..)
Pare 1: Di pa rin e
Pare 2: Hmmmmm ... sundutin mo pwet mo
(pare 1 sinundot ang pwet ...)
Pare 1: Wala pa rin
Pare 2: Ngayon, tsaka mo ule isundot sa bibig mo ... pag hindi
ka pa masuka nyan ewan ko na!
Holduper: Hold-up!!Pili ka, wallet mo o pasabugin utak mo?
Biktima: Ikaw na bahala..bastaa pareho po yan walang laman!
Pare1: Pare, bat naman hanggang ngayon wala ka pang syota? wala
ka pa bang napupusuan?
Pare2: Meron.. Manhid ka lang (sabay kindat)!
(nyahahahaha! )
Sa isang Classroom:
TATAY: Ms. Teacher, Bakit naman napili nyong gawing MUSE ang anak, ano ba naman yan??
TEACHER: O ayaw nyo po ba non, may nakaka-pansin ng KAGANDAHAN ng inyon anak.
TATAY: Paano ako matutuwa eh LALAKI yung anak kong si Robert.Sa isang mumurahing airline:
Stewardess: Sir, would you like some dinner?
Passenger: Ano ba ang mga choices?
Stewardess: Actually we have 2-choices, 'Yes' or 'No' lang po.
Mon Feb 06, 2012 10:41 am by leiyxiao
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