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TINY LITTLE MAN AND A GENIE

One day, this guy, Bill is sitting at the bar and pulls out this tiny little piano and a tiny, little man about a foot tall. The little man sits down and starts playing the piano quite beautifully. .... The fellow on the next bar stool named Joe says, "That's amazing.. Where did you get him?"..... Bill says, "Well I got this magic lamp with a Genie."..... So, the other fellow says, "That's great, could I use it?" Bill says," Sure" and hands him the lamp. Joe rubs the lamp and out comes the genie...... He says, "I want a Million Bucks!"...... Suddenly, the room is entirely filled with quacking Ducks!..... Joe exclaims, "Hey! I asked for 1 Million Bucks! not Ducks!" Bill explained, "Yes, the genie is a bit DEAF. You don't think I really asked for a 12 inch PIANIST, do you?"

Q&A

Question: Ano ang city?

Answer: Bago mag-utso?!

TEACHER'S PET

On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher. The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, "I bet it's some flowers!"..... "That's right!" shouted the little boy...... Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held it up, shook it and said, "I bet I know what it is! It's a box of candy!" ....."That's right!" shouted the little girl..... The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it..... "Is it wine?" she asked..... "No," the boy answered. The teacher touched another drop to her tongue..... "Is it champagne?" she asked..... "No," the boy answered.... . "What is it?" she said....."A puppy!"

BRA

ANAK: Nay, puede na ba akong magbra? Nay, kinse na po ako, puede na ba? Sige naman po, nay.

INAY: Hoy! Joselito! Tigilan mo nga ako!!!!

THE ANGRY BLONDE

A young ventriloquist (a person who performs or is skilled in ventriloquism - the art or practice of speaking, with little or no lip movement, in such a manner that the voice does not appear to come from the speaker but from another source, as from a wooden dummy.) is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes. Suddenly, a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!" The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, Mister… I'm talking to that little midget on your knee."

KUWENTONG PINOY: ANG SALESMAN

Nung vacuum cleaner salesman pa ako, pumunta ako sa isang bahay sa aming barangay. Kumatok ako sa pinto... Isang malaking misis ang nagbukas sa akin. Pero bago nakapagsalita ang babae, inunahan ko sya. Mabilis akong papunta sa sala nila para di na makatangi sa presentation ko.

Katulad ng utos ng boss ko, binuksan ko ang isang plastic bag ng SM at ibinuhos lahat ng laman na tae ng kalabaw sa carpet. This was a technique taught to me in selling to get a massive and immediate attention from the buyer.

Sabi ko sa kanya w/ confidence: "Misis, pag di nalinis ng vacuum cleaner ko NGAYON ang mga tae sa carpet niyo, kakainin ko isa-isa iyan!", ang yabang ko.

"Gusto mo ng ketsup para diyan?", tanong ng babae. Sabi ko, "Bakit po?"

"Eh, kalilipat lang namin. Wala pa kaming kuryente."